i love dishes

So i went into Anthropologie today. They have some of the cutest clothing and trinkets ever. My favorite part however, is the home decorating section; more specifically-DISHES :)

I invested in my first full set of dishes. They are bright green, hand-painted plates. Salad plates and bowls too! Then I topped off my invigorating purchase with some adorable cups. I am not sure if there is a single person in the world who loves shopping for dishes as much as myself.

Next on the list, coffee cup/tea pot set....Check it out!

www.anthropologie.com

new friends...

So after all the drama with my friends from high school, i feel like i've moved on and it's all behind me.

I'm back in the city after an awkward summer trapped in a small town within miles of my ex-besties. It was such a hard summer for me...being on my own and having no friends to really lean on. I decided to get out of the lease I had signed with those girls and I moved in with a new roommate, we'll call her Cariñosa. (spanish for loving)

I started hanging out with my neighbors from last year... we hung out mostly on weekends and studied together during the week. They are a riot...mostly latinos and a few random others. They are great because they give you a hug when they see you no matter what, dance all the time, and can always make you laugh. We fell in love with these new friends. Cariñosa and I were having a blast and I rarely think about my other friends. Of course i have had the random run ins with the old besties but it was never any big deal.

The things I've learned are so valuable to me. I feel like I finally have friends who truly will be there for me always. I never had that. Cariñosa has proven to be a more caring friend than I've ever had. Truth be told, she is incredibly messy and we won't be roommates forever. :) I have a feeling that we will always be friends though.


By the way, I have been a little negligent and should let everyone know that Madtown Man and I are over. It just fizzled after I went to California......... boys will be boys!

They always turn up at the most unexpected times...

It has officially been too long...but there is good news! There are new prospects! I really like him :D

Madtown Man is half Puerto Rican so he has dark features. Very athletic and confident. Not too confident tho...he has a quiet, modest side.

We always hung out when I was in school, and shamelessly flirted, making stupid jokes-most with some sort of sexual connotation. He never put much effort into anything more between the two of us and so I didn't either. It was harmless and I never thought too much of it becuase it was that "just for fun" date. There was always a flirtation but nothing serious came out of it until very lately.

I found out why he never made a move. He's a virgin, drinks only the legal amount, and does his own thing. He could never be called a skeez, a slob, or clingy. Needless to say-he's awesome!

As a side note I want to say that---Maybe the whole virgin idea should be common at the young age of 20-but in my opinion. It couldn't be more uncommon then if I was pushing 25.

So we kept in touch as I moved back up north to the city. I loved it because I just let him contact me....I got attention and I loved it. :) I visited my friends and saw him a few times before summer came. Then, he moved out to San Francisco for the summer to work. It was a little sad because I though summer would have been good timing to see where it would go.

Then he invited me out to SF. At one point he even offered to pay for it! (I thought that might include some level of committment so I declined) Now I am planning a trip out to California with a friend. I am excited to see him and my friend as well. Yet another American city to add to my list! What a great reason to be jet-setting....an unattached love interest.

I remain the least interested of the two and I am still enjoying the attention. I mean, what right minded gal doesn't?

Start with goodbye...

Recently I experienced a falling out with two of my closest friends. Something happened to me personally, forgive me for not going into detail, but it put the ultimate strain on my life about a year ago. I was suddenly unaware of what kind of person I was, and who I was to become. It happened a year ago and I struggled through it and came out on top.

A year has passed and it has come back to haunt me. The original incident involved my friend, the Behemian, in a second-hand way. Instead of being there for me and helping me through it, she turned into the ultimate enemy. She pushed blame onto my shoulders and instead of my problems being MY problems, it turned into HER unfortunate, personal issue. She proclaimed that we could no longer be friends after "What I did to her", which again, was nothing directly. In her rage she called me by some of the worst labels a person can be given and basically made me relive my personal struggle all over again.

She went so far as to say that I need to get over myself and realize that, "For once, this isn't about me." I'm on the other end thinking, "Something bad happens to ME, and one of my "best friends" gets mad at ME for it, and blames ME. How, may I ask is this not about me?" I'm not proud of it and I wish it was about someone else!

My other good friend is an innocent bystander that knew of my dilemma all along. She knew that it affected my other friend and urged me never to say anything. Something else happened recently and this friend told me, 'If you EVER decide to tell the bohemian, I will be there to back you up no matter what."

A month or so later, I couldn't help but tell the Bohemian because she was my friend and although I knew it would hurt her for a while, I thought she could understand what I went through and be there for me.

Instead, she didn't understand at all, as explained in the beginning. To top things off, my other so-called "best friend" turned around and basically took the Bohemian's side! So both of my friends are turning on me in my time of need. What to do?

I'm a strong girl. What I went though probably made me stronger...but this has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm turning my back on the past. I went through a hell-bound relationship with a man, and now again, I've discovered, with my two closest friends. I've realized that I was more of a friend than either of them was to me.

I know I will always have my family and I have made new friends that actually care and understand. And instead of resting in the past and sulking over lost memories and the people I once cared for, I'm saying goodbye to the past and hello to an exciting future!

Summer Guy goes creepy...

So I finally met up with Summer Guy this past weekend! It was a total let down too. Sad...I actually thought this one had the potential to be cool.

I went south for a few days to visit some friends. He called just to chat and said he was in town too. So, he told me to meet him at this party. I went and he was not just drunk, it was worse....he was inebriated to the n-th degee.

Drunkenness doesn't always bother me but he was all of a sudden one of those creepy guys. Staring for way too long, trying to hold my hand, kissing my hand. You get the picture...

I'm a little confused because I met him sober, and he totally wasn't a creeper. Since then we've talked about just about anything and everything and, still, no creepy vibe. However, this weekend, he defined the term.

I need to slowly get away without being mean. I know he has feelings for me....but after this weekend, I can't stomach it!

My Music Addiction

Does anyone else feel like that associate people, things, and experiences to songs WAY too much?

Today I hit shuffle on the iPod so I could re-discover some of those songs I haven't listened to in a while. I found myself on an emotional rollercoaster. From sad, then on the happy side, optimistic, then sad again.

Songs about B man are the worst. There are two different kinds. There are songs that just make me miss him. "Our song" came on. That song wasn't one of those sappy love songs that we slow danced to but instead was one of those "Jam out in the car" songs. We lived about an hour apart and spent a lot of time in the car together. I just missed the fun we had in those three lighthearted minutes. It made me happy, but sad that the good side of our relationship didn't last. The other song was the song that came on randomly one other time...it came on the radio when I was driving home from breaking up with him. I had "Breakin' Me" by Jonny Lang on repeat the whole way home. I mean seriously!

The next song that came on brought me back to my roots. LFO's "Summer Girls." I couldn't help but think back to my years in Middle School when boys and boy bands ruled my life. I laughed out loud.

Then on came Sheryl Crow's "Soak Up The Sun." Gotta love life when the hippy singer belts out the words "I'm gonna soak up the sun, I'm gonna tell everyone to lighten up." That's my new car jam...feel good summer songs. *sigh*

Then the country song comes on that makes me think of Summer Guy. He and I still talk almost daily via AIM or facebook. He's So so great....I can't let it go. I've got to meet this guy again.

Needless to say, music makes me think. Sometimes it's annoying, I can't just flip on backround music without listening to every lyric and aligning it with my own life.

Summer Guy

Last summer I went on a trip with one of my best friends. We went to a resort for a weekend and were looking forward to a weekend laying in the sun with our margaritas and girl talk. What I didn't expect is to meet a guy....especially to meet a guy I can't forget.

We met them in the pool, it was Summer Guy and three of his friends. We all went on the waterslides and sat in the hottub. I made a connection with Summer Guy and had some really great conversation for a first meeting. Later, when we were waterlogged my friend and I decided to go eat so we made plans to see the guys later.

We met up with them and they told us to come play laser tag with them. The resort had a really awesome place, totally reminded me of the paintball scene in the movie Failure to Launch, except in the dark. Anyway...Summer Guy and I basically spent the whole time shooting at each other. Childishly fun flirting-It was great. After I "killed him" about 25 times our time ran out and we all went into a bar area to sit and socialize. At the end of the night we all parted ways. No numbers exchanged and to be quite honest, that bothered me.

In the morning, my friend and I each had a note with the concierge from two of the guys. He left his number.

Creepy? No I was a sucker and called him. He lived a good 6 hours away and it was an improbable relationship. We continued talking, multiple times a week sometimes for an hour or more. We got to know each other extremely well and always meant to see each other again.

Last fall I had a run in with B man and that put Summer Guy on the back burner. Not sure why I did that because Summer Guy was SO much cooler than B man. Can't have regrets though. I decided to attend college in the same city as Summer Guy and we talked about getting together. Neither of us really made that big of an effort.

Since then the whole B man thing ended for good and I tranferred schools. Now I'm back to being 5 hours away. I still talk to Summer Guy all the time. We talked about why we never made an effort to see each other and the consensus was that we were just too nervous. Plus, neither of us had a vehicle to drive across town. But still, it was JUST across town!

Although he and I lack the physical side of a relationship, he is very close to being one of my best friends. He makes me laugh, understands how I feel, and always makes an equal amount of effort. We've both dated since and talked about it. We aren't waiting around for each other but we both know that we compare other relationship prospects to the one we have already.

I have no idea when or if we will see each other again or what it would feel like to meet the person that knows everything about me but has only seen me once. I also wonder what exactly I have with him. I said "best friend" earlier but I know it is more than a friendship. At the same time though, we have never hung out together! What the hell is it? I don't know if I'll ever know exactly.

The Freshman Pack

There are things about college that, if you take a stop back, you realize are completely hilarious. Things that normally would be considered outlandish, are okay.... as long as you are in college. Examples? Procrastinating until staying up all night is a requirement. Eating food that doesn't exactly look right- i.e. dorm food. But of all stupid college mannerisms, and the one that all people who've had a post-secondary educational experience are guilty of, is the notorious "freshman pack."

Some may be unfamiliar with this phrase...for all of you, let me explain. A "freshman pack" consists of multiple first-year college students. Under the cover of darkness these night prowlers are on a hunt. For what exactly? A kegger or any house where disgustingly cheap beer and liquor can quench their thirst.

On a couple of desperate nights I participated in the undergrad parades. The night starts out by getting all dressed up...I don't really understand why because the houses we end up in provide an impossibly dirty atmosphere. Then we set out and scour the area, usually on foot, looking for any traces of a good old fashioned party.

My 1st Night In A Freshman Pack, a dancer's story:

My favorite red heels and a matching top. Small purse with the essentials: lip gloss, keys, and a five dollar bill. And we're off...

The first place was a frat house. The party was going on in two of the rooms and all the people there were already wasted. One particular memory from that was of a disgusting display of intoxication. There was a male sitting in a recliner in the corner of one room. He had a case of Keystone sitting next to him and a beer bong in one hand. Basically passing out mid-sentence he kept slurring/yelling, "Anybody want to take a bong, anybody?" Ten minutes later we left.

The next stop of the night was a nicer frat....lots of dancing going on. It looked fun but we had to leave as soon as we got there. Why? It was dry. No Alcohol=No Party.

Finally we stopped at an apartment complex. The apartment was nice and filled with an abundance of eye candy. Too bad that the cute ones approached you with an open cup of beer. "Want to have some fun?" No Thanks.

And the end of the night we walk back to the dorms. (If you are lucky, you are drunk and can't really tell that you walked a mile to pay 5 dollars for one blue cup filled with cheap beer.)

Looking back, I realize that freshman year in college brought a lot of fun and some great memories. I can say, somewhat shamefully, that I participated in one of those unique college mannerisms. Fun memories were made but now I've moved on...one year down and a few more to go. I will always sit back and laugh when I see a group of girls, all done up for a night on frat row.

The Final Word

The ex, or B man as my friends and I refer to him occasionally, had that air of confidence that all woman find attractive. But under that confidence lay an array of deep seated issues. I, as a perfect girlfriend, did everything I could to help him. In the end, it was burdonsome and I had to let go. Sooner or later I missed the rest of what we had had together, and so I went back.

Why? That question may never be answered completely. The fact of the matter is that I respected him for the way he treated me and his general persona. I loved him and thought that nothing else mattered.

My earth shattered when I found out about the other 4 'call girls' of his life. One of which was another ex of his...He told me she was 'crazy' but apparently that didn't stop him from sleeping with her. And all four of them could have him, after hearing about it, it had to end. I thought about it for about a week. Then, in another utterly nauseating moment, I discovered the timing of it all. Let's say it bluntly: Every other night. Me, then his ex, me, then his ex.

Needless to say it ended in one huge explosion. (His ex actually called me! We were both oblivious to the facts and confronted him....together. Imagine his face for a second-priceless)

But it was just last night, two months later and we meet up for coffee. General small talk and then....

Me: What is your motive in all of this? Why did you call me?

Him: (long pause) I was looking at old pictures and i miss you a little. I guess I can see myself dating you again, but right now im just doing what feels right....hanging out again.

Me: Okay i just want this to be resolved. I wouldn't ever date you again because of our history, no matter how much I enjoy talking to you.

Him: Okay.

Me: So what do you want out of this.

Him: uh. i don't know.

Me: The way I see it, you have two choices. 1. We could be aquaintances...talk if we ran into each other or randomly say Happy Birthday and be okay with it or 2. Not be friends and totally cut it off.

Him: At this point, and I could be making a rash decision but I can't be friends. I still have feelings and I'd never call you "just to hang out or go get drinks" But you are welcome to call if you ever want to talk or hang out.

Me: Nope, If that is what you want...Im not going to be your friend either. That's okay i just need to know which one so we can end on good terms and just have the whole situation resolved. I just want to say i do care about ya and wish the best for you. Im moving past everything....no hard feelings.


And that was it, we hugged and said goodbye and then it was done. I don't know if we'll ever really talk again but it feels good to finally resolve it.


Now Reader, you may be thinking..."Why the hell would you go talk to him at all after what he did?" Well, to put it simply...I hated hating a person i gave so much of my energy to. I don't want to hate anyone in life, much les a person I said 'I love you' to. That is precisely why.

The point is that, after a certain amount of time, any two rational adults can resolve any rocky situation. Just cutting something off will never settle anything. That doesn't clear your own conscious because you will always think about it, be bitter about it, or wonder 'what if.'

Having the final word feels good and anyone can do it by staying calm, forgiving, and saying goodbye. Now you have the upper hand on getting over someone...and trust me when I say that it will happen ten times faster if you have closure.